Recently, I’ve really been praying and studying on what if means to pray like Jesus. What really hit me the most was that Jesus’ prayers didn’t get him out of his suffering-it got him through his suffering. It didn’t mean that all the terrible things he was facing would stop or God would grant him what he wanted. Jesus knew this from the beginning. But through the pain, through the tears and anguish, through the crucifixion, and through death, God was there for him. He was present and Jesus never demanded more from Him. He would pray his desires and end on the terms that God’s will would be done.

What I’ve come to realize is that God is not some piñata and prayer is not a stick to hit Him with. Despite how much we may beat on this piñata, goodies may not fall from the sky as we expect them to. Prayers may not be answered the way we expect. God is not a vending machine where we eventually win the prize if we put in more and more quarters. It’s not getting the perfect job or the perfect grades, enough college and enough time and commitment to get your dream job eventually. It’s not searching and searching for that perfect man or perfect relationship, dating as many as you can to find that special person instead of relying on His perfect plan. Maybe this isn’t what God has in mind. I have had many desires in the past that I may have prayed for and never gotten, and maybe it’s that God wants me to wait, but how selfish of me it is to pray for what I want and not ask for God’s will to be done in my life. To not submit to Him and surrender the life He as given me Himself and say “You know what God, I may want this, but what you want is more important.” Maybe God has something in mind for you that you never would have expected, but because you have these expectations and desires, God can’t get you to see these other opportunities you have waiting. That maybe God wants you to put this to the side and be involved in this other ministry for now. Do I pray to get something, or do I pray to get God? Am I truly living my life for Him by praying that His will may be done, no matter how hard it may be? Is my prayer for change or is it for God to change me? God grows me through prayer if I allow Him to. I can’t become a better person and a better follower of Christ if I don’t make room for this. I can pray all I want, but if I don’t give room for God’s will I won’t see His perfect plan. God, please open up an opportunity for this soon, please help me find the perfect man to marry, please provide for me in this way. But also, your will be done. That means, I can find peace even if these things do not occur the way I had prayed for them-despite the outcome God is there with me. God please help this person who is going through this, please heal this person, please let this happen. But altogether, your will be done.

Who am I to judge what is best for me? How am I to know what I am to do in the future or what I have even done already? Isn’t it important for me to remember that God is so much smarter than me, that He has everything perfectly planned according to His will, even if it’s not something that I originally had in mind? God will grow me that much more through it. Definitely a challenge I’m willing to accept-living and praying God’s will. Not my will, but yours be done.